Horrible jokes below. You have been warned!
#1
A magician was working on a cruise ship.
Since the audience was different each week, the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or, “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” Or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?”
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the Captain’s parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it … With the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day… And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said…
“Okay, I give up. Where’s the ship?”
#2:
Guys, I think my girlfriend might be a psychic! Last night my phone died while I was out, so I used my brother’s phone to call her. And she answered: “What’s up Sexy?” before I even said a word!
#3:
A teacher asked Johnny, “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats, then another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
#4:
A woman goes to buy a parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. The woman asks why the last one is so cheap…
“Because he used to live in a brothel” says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: “Fuck me, a new brothel!” The woman laughs.
When her daughters get home the parrot says: “Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!” The girls laugh too.
When the dad gets home the parrot says: “Fuck me Pete, haven’t seen you for weeks!”
Random Video of the Day: Link
How to Kill Boredom 