Disclaimer: Most of these ones are from Reddit. I own nothing except one that I retold from a joke my mom told me a few years ago.
“Forget Everything”
“Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.”
“But I never went to college.”
“Well then, I’m sorry. You are underqualified to work here.”
“Some other joke from Reddit”
A priest, a minister and a rabbi are on a fishing trip. They get out on the water and the Priest goes, “Oh darn, I forgot the picnic basket!” so he proceeds to step out of the boat and walk to shore, grabs the picnic basket and comes back out to the boat. The rabbi looks on in bewilderment.
The minister looks around as he’s about to cast and realizes, “I forgot the tackle box!” He also proceeds to get out of the boat and walk to shore, grabs the tackle box and heads back to the boat. The rabbi is absolutely shocked at this point.
Finally, the rabbi turns to the priest and minister and says, “I forgot the bait.” Just when he is about to step out the Priest says: “Wait. We haven’t told you where the rocks weerr…” Both the minister and the priest jaws drop as the rabbi pokes the water with his staff, splitting it up.
“Yet another joke from Reddit”
I bought a cheap thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
“Some random religious joke my mom told me”
A church group recently hired a new minister and decided to celebrate with a picnic on a small island on a nearby lake. So, they packed a nice lunch and rowed out to the lake the next day.
Once they got to the lake and set out the picnic cloth and food, they realized they had forgotten the silverware. “Don’t worry,” The new minister said to everyone, “I’ll go get it.”
The minister starts walking toward the boats, but he doesn’t stop there. He begins to walk across the water while everyone stares in shock at what he is doing. The minister takes the basket with the silverware and walks back, across the water, to the island.
Once the minister sets down the silverware, an older man speaks up. “Damn, I guess we hired someone who can’t swim!”
“The Parrot”
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The
parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious
and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could
think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the
parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation,
threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the
freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked
and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened
the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out
onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I
may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate
transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a
dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very
softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
Note: I’m updating the page for free video games today.
How to Kill Boredom 